Posted on June 04th, 2003 06:55 PM by admin

Written by Alla Trubetskaya Stanton, provided by International Friends and Associates

If you prefer, you may view the entire article on International Friends and Associates site.

It is very common for Russian girls to live in the same flats with their parents and even grandparents. Living conditions are very poor in Russia and flats are rather small. Generally speaking, there are mostly no formal living and dining rooms. If Russians say that they have a two bedroom flat, it likely means that they actually have a one bedroom flat and a combination living/bedroom. If they say they have a one bedroom flat, it usually means that the living/bedroom and the room are one in the same. There is typically one toilet in a flat with the bath as a separate room. There is also a rather common, communal condition of life where two or more families share the same flat, kitchen, bathroom and toilet. The conditions of flats are often run-down. Be prepared for this. Also, every guest in Russia is required to change from shoes to slippers when entering a flat. They will offer you slippers, but the best solution is to take your own slippers and a slippers bag with you. Never walk into a flat past the entry area without removing your street shoes.

Be careful about accepting an invitation from a lady to visit her family. Unless you feel very serious about her, it is better to find a reason not to visit. Otherwise, they might interpret your visit as an intention to propose marriage. Family ties are very strong in Russia and children usually introduce future marriage partners to their parents in this manner. Parent's blessings are also very important in the courting/marriage ritual. If your Russian lady is fortunate enough to have a flat of her own, you can accept her invitation unconditionally. But, under no circumstances should you pressure her to let you stay there (or anywhere else) with her overnight. If you are serious about her, you should respect her traditional attitude about inappropriate, premarital sexual relationships. She will appreciate your gentlemanly behavior. Sometimes, a Russian woman can initiate sexual contact with you. Try to avoid this, in any case. If she is not traditional, you can expose yourself to the danger of sexual disease. Or, she may decide to get pregnant as a marriage trap. Knowledge of contraception in Russia is poor. Very few women use pills/IUD for this purpose. Abstinence for traditional women and abortion for traditional and non-traditional women are still the main methods of birth control in Russia.

Try not to put a traditional woman in the position of sacrificing her dignity or yourself at risk of disease from a non-traditional woman whose sexual habits make sleeping with her unsafe. Sometimes, even very traditional and naive Russian women might invite you to spend the night. She might do this because she may feel that it is the only one way to thank you and to show affection. Just remember that the Hollywood stereotype of an American man is as an extreme sexual creature that never takes no for an answer. She may be afraid to lose you because of avoiding a sexual relationship. Always be a gentleman. Explain to her that your feelings for her are very serious and that you are looking for a wife, not a sexual fling, and that you respect her. This will draw her much closer and greatly elevate her respect for you. Whether you are visiting Russians in their flats or have them over to your own, try not to make the common mistakes of many foreigners that often act disrespectful and even indecent. Most men traveling to Russia claim they are looking for women with traditional values. How credible can this claim be if a man's behavior indicates that he wants her to behave like the women he says he finds unacceptable?

Don't "tour" your host's flat without a special invitation. If you need to use the toilet or bathroom, ask the host to show you the room.

Never open a refrigerator to help yourself. Always ask the host if you want something. In any case, Russians are typically very good hosts. Serving refreshments between meals to guests is common.

Don't use a toothpick openly at the table. Go to the bathroom or discreet area for this purpose.

Don't drink too much alcohol. Russian men can be heavy drinkers. You can't compete with them. Even if your future father in law offers you one glass of vodka after another, refuse to listen to him. He might initially think you are not courteous. Don't listen! You don't have to drink. Later, he will understand and respect your attitude. You will not likely encounter this kind of attitude from men in cultured families. And, it is not typical for women to drink heavily and she will be appalled if you do. Remember that this is one aspect of life that so many women want to escape.

Never put your feet up on a coffee table.

The food will most likely be very tasty but very fatty.

If you have stomach problems, better take prevention measures before this kind of dinner. Also, always keep some bottled water with you and put it on the dinner table. Never drink tap water in Russia.

It's ok not to eat all the food from your plate. They will understand. But, try to taste each of the dishes. Your Russian hosts made this dinner from their hearts.

You can and should avoid eating fresh mushrooms. Russians usually pick mushrooms themselves in the woods. They can be ok for a Russian's strong stomach, but it could be very bad for you. Decline eating this dish. You can always say that you are allergic to mushrooms. Be careful eating fish. Filleting might not be complete.

Don't overstay your visit.

Typical Russian Dinner W/Guests:

Russian salad, salty snacks such as salt fish, crabmeat, pickles, marinated garlic, caviar, etc.

Russian beef stew with hot bread and sour cream

Creamed or fried potatoes with beef or chicken

Sweet pie or cake with coffee or hot, sweet tea

Try Not to Talk About:

Money and investments

Health. It's not appropriate to talk about health problems and certainly not about flatulence or irregularity. The good news is that you won't have to worry about listening to gripes about PMS.

Jokes. Russian humor and American humor frequently fail to make the language/cultural leap, and often come out as anything but funny. Take the time to listen and learn before leaping. At the very least, avoid humor with cultural and political content.

Try not to talk about religion or politics (avoid comments about communism), especially during dinner.