Posted on June 04th, 2003 06:24 PM by admin

By Elena Petrova Russian Brides Cyber Guide

Secret 4
What Russian women think about men who are looking for a foreign bride?

Men often ask me what Russian women think about the guys who are looking for a wife in the countries of the former Soviet Union. They are afraid that Russian women think they are poor desperate losers who are happy if any female will marry them. They also worry if Russian ladies think there is something wrong with them or that they can't find somebody in their own country. Really, why those guys are willing to go through all the troubles of bringing somebody from the other end of the world? Leave alone how much does it cost...

I think those fears have roots in the common public views about men who are seeking a foreign match. Media diligently create an opinion that they are men with low self-esteem, low social status, who are of no interest for local women. In reality it's mostly men with successful careers, who belong to middle and upper middle class, and are attractive for women. Most of them have been married before. Yes, there are some men who fit the popular opinion but their number is rather insignificant. Nevertheless, the prevailing public views make men feel uncomfortable, and worry that Russian women may have similar ideas.

Is there ground for those fears?

First, let's go back and see what we have already found out about Russian women. Russian women look for somebody abroad because they cannot find in Russia what they are looking for; they are usually well educated, intelligent and smart; they prefer dominating partners and are looking for men who are able to become good husbands as well as providers for the family. Right?

If so, what kind of opinion those women may have about the men who are looking for foreign brides?

If you were a woman looking for somebody who is clever, educated, financially secure, responsible, emotionally mature and dominating, would you think that such a person is a loser? Would you think that there should be something wrong with him if he was interested in you? What nonsense, you will say. Exactly! They do not think badly about men who are looking for a wife abroad because they are looking for worthy people! Another reason is that women are in the same situation, so if there is something wrong with the other party's search, it's automatically means there is something wrong with themselves.

This is pure logic. Let's look at the situation from specifically female's, emotional point of view.

The biggest fear that a woman has when starts her search for a foreign husband is that foreign men won't be interested in her humble person. She almost does not think about the men, she thinks about herself - is she good enough for gentlemen from prosperous overseas? She does not believe that her search may result in real relationship and marriage. She starts her search with failure as a natural final. Why does she do it, if she does not believe in success? Why do you occasionally buy a lotto ticket? Do you really believe you'll hit the jackpot? No, but it won't hurt, and if you never try you'll never win, that's for sure! Women start their search for a foreign husband with the similar motivation and hope for success.

Secret 4
What Russian women think about men who are looking for a foreign bride?

So in the very beginning a woman is too much worried about her own chances to think about foreign men and their possible problems. For her foreigners are something absolutely fabulous and unreal. The most often asked question that I receive from women is "Do you think I can try?" They do not ask if they will succeed, they ask if it's not too unrealistic to give it a try!

When a woman receives first men's letters, she is overwhelmed. She answers everybody, and does not look at his appearance, background and what he is doing for a living, as long as he is interested in her. On this stage she starts asking herself why men are looking for somebody abroad - those well-to-do, nice professional guys who dream about having a family and being loyal husbands. But she does not need to think too much - usually there are answers in men's letters.

What are the reasons that are usually brought up? First of all, it's of course "traditional family values" - I still don't know what does it mean, if somebody can explain me, please do, I will really appreciate it. According to men, western women are lucking in family values, and Russian women are believed to have traditional ones. After reading in every letter that she is supposed to have traditional family values - and assuming that she does not know what it is as I don't - a woman usually gets to conclusion that it means acceptance of Russian family model, where a husband is the boss of the family, and a wife is the only one who is responsible for housework and kids. Actually Russian family model is somewhat she is not very happy about, but she does not think it's time to discuss it. Well, if western women don't want to cook a dinner, I will - what's the point?

The second most common reason is that a man was too busy with his career and studies, and now when it's time to start a family there are not such a lot of women available. This she can understand. She is in the same situation, excepting building a career - it's time, and there are no decent men around.

The next reason is that Russian women are the most beautiful; this flatters, and after reading it again and again, she starts thinking that it's true. She particularly does not consider herself beautiful, but as a part of the nation that has most beautiful women in the world, this she can accept.

So a woman extracts from men's letters that the reasons for their search are Russian women's beauty, their family values (she understands it as not being a feminist, which she obviously isn't) and the little number of single females at the place where a man lives. Sounds pretty reasonable.

I can tell you: if a woman has a reasonable explanation that suits her, she will never dig deeper. The only fear she has about foreign men is that they will happen to be something different from what they say they are. Russian media also prefer concentrate on tragic stories that happen with women who married foreigners, such as story of a woman who registered marriage with American in Russia, and came to US only to discover that he was already married, and she was only to produce a child for the couple! After the birth of her baby she was deported, and had to leave the child. Apparently, it happen in one of the states where only church marriage is valid, so she was not even legally married to the guy! It was shown in Russia on central TV.

So if Russian women are worried about men who write to them, it's not about their social status or how many women wish to ask them for a date. It's about security that anyone would be worrying about when date somebody she met through personals or on the Internet. But she would be even more worried if it was a guy from her native city - Russians believe in legitimacy and loyalty of foreign citizens.